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Hijab Butch Blues

A Memoir

by Lamya H
ebook
8 of 10 copies available
8 of 10 copies available
A queer hijabi Muslim immigrant survives her coming-of-age by drawing strength and hope from stories in the Quran in this “raw and relatable memoir that challenges societal norms and expectations” (Linah Mohammad, NPR).
“A masterful, must-read contribution to conversations on power, justice, healing, and devotion from a singular voice I now trust with my whole heart.”—Glennon Doyle, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Untamed

THEM’S HONOREE IN LITERATURE • AN AUDACIOUS BOOK CLUB PICK • WINNER: The Brooklyn Public Library Book Prize, the Stonewall Book Award, the Israel Fishman Nonfiction Award • Lambda Literary Award Finalist

A BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR: NPR, Autostraddle, Book Riot, BookPage, Harper’s Bazaar, Electric Lit, She Reads
When fourteen-year-old Lamya H realizes she has a crush on her teacher—her female teacher—she covers up her attraction, an attraction she can’t yet name, by playing up her roles as overachiever and class clown. Born in South Asia, she moved to the Middle East at a young age and has spent years feeling out of place, like her own desires and dreams don’t matter, and it’s easier to hide in plain sight. To disappear. But one day in Quran class, she reads a passage about Maryam that changes everything: When Maryam learned that she was pregnant, she insisted no man had touched her. Could Maryam, uninterested in men, be . . . like Lamya?
 
From that moment on, Lamya makes sense of her struggles and triumphs by comparing her experiences with some of the most famous stories in the Quran. She juxtaposes her coming out with Musa liberating his people from the pharoah; asks if Allah, who is neither male nor female, might instead be nonbinary; and, drawing on the faith and hope Nuh needed to construct his ark, begins to build a life of her own—ultimately finding that the answer to her lifelong quest for community and belonging lies in owning her identity as a queer, devout Muslim immigrant.
 
This searingly intimate memoir in essays, spanning Lamya’s childhood to her arrival in the United States for college through early-adult life in New York City, tells a universal story of courage, trust, and love, celebrating what it means to be a seeker and an architect of one’s own life.
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    • Publisher's Weekly

      October 17, 2022
      Lamya H. debuts with a thoughtful examination of her queer South Asian identity and Islamic faith. At age 14, Lamya, who uses a pseudonym to protect her identity, first read Surah Maryam, the Quran’s chapter about the woman known in Christianity as the Virgin Mary, and felt a kinship with her, as they were both “uninterested in men.” As a young adult, Lamya moved to the United States from an unnamed Arab city in the Middle East. She encountered rampant Islamophobia at her (unnamed) American university—most painfully in queer circles that didn’t believe a gay person could be Muslim—but gradually found a community of queer Muslims who welcomed her. “This is the world fourteen-year-old me couldn’t even begin to imagine,” she writes. Through the stories of prophets accepting the wahi (a divine revelation or command), Lamya finds the joy in embracing and sharing her queer, Muslim selfhood as a wahi of her own: “It’s that glorious feeling that comes from inviting someone into your world.” The narrative is profoundly emotional, and Lamya’s determination to fight for a better world hits home: “I’m also not faithless enough to think that the direction in which I strive doesn’t matter.” This will inspire both compassion and reflection. Agent: Julia Kardon, HG Literary.

    • Kirkus

      January 1, 2023
      A queer Muslim writer and organizer chronicles a life navigating between religion and culture. Lamya H faced discrimination throughout childhood and adolescence for being an immigrant in a "rich Arab country." She felt invisible--even evil--just like the spirits called jinn. At 14, she wanted to disappear--not just because she felt different, but also because she understood the possible ramifications of her burgeoning sexuality. "Gay is a hush-hush thing, not to be talked about seriously, only to be used as an insult," she writes. The Quranic story of Maryam, who "doesn't like men," gave the author courage, but when she began wearing hijab to honor Maryam, non-hijab-wearing girls dismissed her. As a Muslim college student in the U.S., Lamya faced constant scrutiny and discovered that Black and other immigrant friends endured similar mistreatment. "I notice that people who are white or appear to be white are on top of the pyramid here," she writes, "just like they were in the country where my parents and brother still live, that sometimes this category of 'appears to be white' includes wealthy, worldly, light-skinned Arabs." Professional life in New York brought the author into contact with a group of mostly straight Muslim feminists who helped her refine a nonbinary vision of God but could not offer her a truly inclusive space. Remembering Muhammad's mission to build a "community of believers," Lamya forged a circle of queer and nonbinary social justice activists, found life mentors among a group of LGBTQ+ Muslims, and unexpectedly fell in love with a White woman. Their relationship helped Lamya understand the importance of focusing on "curious, kind dialogue and to support those I love--instead of fighting to fend off racists, sexists, homophobes, transphobes, [and] Islamophobes." As the author examines her evolving relationship to her religion, she also vibrantly explores what it means to live with an open-minded, open-hearted activist seeking to change the world for the better. A hopeful and uplifting memoir.

      COPYRIGHT(2023) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

    • Library Journal

      January 13, 2023

      The author, a queer Muslim who immigrated to New York as a college student, explores the importance of family, being true to oneself, and the tenets of a religion often at odds with queerness. This memoir in essays with narratives, at times, witty, sharp, poetic, and descriptive is woven with stories from the Quran. The combination leads to the author strengthening her relationship with Allah. The book probes internal conflicts around what coming out is meant to accomplish and to whom. The author persistently challenges a world that classifies identities in rigid absolutes. The book's relevant and timely discussions of race, sexual orientation, and religion offer an empathetic approach to understanding them. VERDICT This book is recommended for all public and academic libraries.--Katy Duperry

      Copyright 2023 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

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